The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
