I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
