Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
