I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
