I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
