Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
