I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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