I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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