i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
