I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
