ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
