If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
