she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
