I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i've created a new STD.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
