I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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