I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
