the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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