i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
