I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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