i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
