A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
