so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
