I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
