I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
