dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
