I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
