I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
