Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
