She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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