these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
