We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
