If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
