Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
