I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
