I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
