pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
