I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
