i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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