first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
