remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
