I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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