Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
