I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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