nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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