it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
