fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
