I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
