I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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