would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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