i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
