Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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