No stitches, just platelets and will power
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
