Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
even my farts smell like vagina
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
