Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
