Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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